I used to think that I was nothing without approval, without an honors grade. I felt completely dependent on everyone else’s judgement of me to be worthy. I felt scared and unbelievably stressed. I thought that to feel better, I needed to prove myself. I thought that if I “let my guard down” (i.e. let myself slow down or, worse, feel a shred of self-confidence), I might accidentally kill a patient or humiliate myself. I was starving for praise. I believed what everyone else said, wrote, or assessed about me rather than asking myself what I wanted, needed or knew to be true.
Then, I had a baby. A baby that had her own agenda. She didn’t care if I was a super-mom. She didn’t know if I read the books. She could not be learned, memorized, manipulated or controlled. My daughter thrived not by me being rigid with myself, but through some other completely foreign pathway that felt completely unattainable. Then… I broke. And grasped for control. And broke again. And grasped harder for control. Anything. I frantically searched the internet for answers. I read books. I polled friends. I fought with my husband about sleep schedules and milk ounces and ways to respond to her crying until I was crying and then I grasped some more. I tried to make my baby my work, and I did not succeed.
Then, I got a life coach. In a few short months I had a new way to think about myself and could process emotions instead of resist or react to them. She helped me use self-compassion where I was used to using self-critique (unsuccessfully). She allowed me to befriend my anxiety. Let it be what it was, even be grateful for it instead of viewing it as my ultimate weakness. This small change was the start of a very, very big evolution that I am still trailblazing through. It’s changed everything.
Now, I’m on a mission to continue the awareness and spread the knowledge. I can’t tell you how many times I thought “if only I had this way of thinking during my training!” And also “what if I never got access to this? How long would it be until I burned out?” I don’t want to have to watch this happen to anyone else. I have a clear purpose: To create space for change through teaching and love. I want to show you how to access inner validation rather than relying on external praise. I want to help you manage and even love your inner critic without letting her drive the car. I want to help you choose your thoughts so that you can build you life – how YOU want it.
I can’t wait to see you, hear you and create a space for you to watch your mind. I can’t wait to show you the value of unconditional love, and self value. I can’t wait to watch you take control of your life!